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Nostery Council announced yesterday that it intends to outsource the last remaining function it still performs itself:  awarding contracts to run local services.


‘The people of Nostery have made their views clear,’ said council leader Dithmer Ject. ‘It’s been more than ten years now since Nostery Council outsourced the provision of all the services it provides, and in that time the local electorate have done nothing but complain. In my view the quality of council services has been comparable with what went before – it’s not as if last year’s vermin control workers protest was the first time the city’s sewer system has back-flooded due to an accumulation of decomposing rats. But the voters don’t see it that way, so it’s time for us politicians to take responsibility for dealing with the people’s concerns. That’s why we’ve decided that in future we’ll no longer award and manage the council’s outsourcing contracts ourselves. In future, we’ll appoint a contractor to do that on our behalf – we’re calling them our supercontractor. Not only will that lead to more effective appointment and management of contractors, it will also lead to efficiency savings of over 30%.’


Public comment group Government Does It Better condemned the move. Gee-dib spokesman Smolt Punting posed these questions for the council: ‘What connection is there now between the voters and the organisations delivering the services on which they depend? How much will this so-called supercontractor be paid? I bet it’s more than the 30% savings allegedly being made elsewhere. And what are the chances of the supercontractor having connections with one or more of the contractors it’s supposed to be overseeing? This is a bad day for democracy.’


Taxpayers’ lobby group Value For Money welcomed the move, but said it raised an obvious question. ‘What now is the point of Nostery’s fifteen city councillors?’ asked VFM’s Chief Agitator Arsnit Dengal. ‘It was already a disgrace that they were paid annual salaries of 28,000 bar for meeting once a year to award outsourcing contracts. What will they be doing to earn that money in future?’


When our reporter put this question to Dithmer Ject late yesterday, he said it was nonsense to suggest councillors no longer had a role to play. ‘We continue to be active as ambassadors for the city, state-wide and globally. Only tomorrow all fifteen of us will depart on a three week fact-finding tour of Permia as guests of the Permian Tourism Agency.’

Nostery Council to outsource itself