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The Mayor of Borkempt has a long history of devotion to the town he represents.  Duspin Escroll was elected mayor at the age of seventeen, the youngest person ever to hold the office.  That was almost forty years ago, and he’s been in office ever since.

‘Duspin is this town’s greatest asset,’ said Borkempt businesswoman Aver Moldrink yesterday.  ‘He works day and night on our behalf.  He’s never married, and has no life outside his civic duties.  He’s really put us on the map with his efforts.  OK, so he’s a bit eccentric, but we like our larger than life characters here in Borkempt.  It all adds to the local colour.’

Moldrink was reacting to the news that Mayor Borkempt has had himself plumbed in behind his desk in the mayor’s office in the town hall.  In what he declares to be a sign of his devotion to the job, he has had his anus and urethra connected to the sewage system, and a tube from the building’s canteen run down his throat into his stomach.  He has also hooked himself up to the council’s data net via sockets implanted in his skull.

Not all locals are impressed.  ‘This is disgusting,’ said Gurpling Distrant, a teacher at the local upper school.  ‘The mayor meets some high-ranking people in that office, and they aren’t going to be comfortable with the thought that he’s sitting there shitting himself.  What’s more, whereas I’m sure it’s perfectly feasible to run a tube from your backside to a sewer pipe, I don’t believe the technology yet exists to let people interface directly with computers.  I should know, I’m a science teacher.  Duspin is mentally disturbed, and it’s about time people round here started facing up to that fact.’

I’m not moving, says local Mayor