© 2010 Qualtern Limited

Sign up to receive email updates from Qualtern


Share this page

World leaders hail death of Turpid Bam Irskel

Global peace now in sight, says Chancellor Berdryn


Nostery Council to outsource itself

People don’t want politicians making important decisions, says council chief


BREAKING NEWS:  Chancellor in shock cannibalism confession

Senate reels as Berdryn reveals truth behind his mother’s ‘trapping accident’


Chancellor accused of censorship

Qnet blog row may prove pyrrhic victory for Berdryn


QMA criticises head-clamping craze

Cosmetic “head balancing” dangerous and ineffective, say top doctors


Tartrous refers himself to Standards Commissioner

‘I’ve done nothing wrong, but want to clear the air,’ says Citizenship Minister





News Headlines
News Top

Coagulation government looms

Rump Party senators in talks to join coalition government


Surprise at Urkly return to government

Eyebrows rise at appointment of double serial killer as Education Minister


Jamper’s law challenged again

PeopleFirst launch latest legal bid to overturn ‘invidious’ law


I’m not moving, says local Mayor

Local dignitary plumbs himself into council buildings


Government vote called off again

The Government has successfully headed off this year’s fourteenth attempt by PeopleFirst to oust it.


Lord Sandison demands repayment of public debt

State threatened with bankruptcy by biggest creditor’s mystery demand for immediate payment.


Call to take roads into public ownership

Left wing pressure group says private road system causes chaos, and advocates central planning.


General Trebuchet refuses to be drawn

Chief Peacekeeper declines joint request from PeopleFirst and the Government for budget transparency.

Citizenship Minister Upstine Tartrous yesterday referred himself to the Standards Commissioner over accusations concerning his senate flat.  The Tumbril has published a series of stories in recent days alleging that Tartrous’s partner is not in fact his gay lover, but is in fact an estate agent making use of the upmarket senate apartment block address to run a highly-profitable business from the flat.  The newspaper further alleges that Tartrous receives a cut of the estate agent’s profit as part of the deal, in breach of senate rules on trading from government property.


‘I can appreciate how this might, taken out of context, appear less than 100% above board at first glance,’ said Tartrous in a statement.  ‘Which is why I have decided to refer myself to the Standards Commissioner.  I am confident that the Commissioner’s investigation will vindicate my position, which is that Blosker and I are very much in love.  That is why we live together, and it’s unreasonable to expect him to give up his career for my sake.  I understand that people do wonder what our wives make of the situation, but that is a private matter.  All I will say is that they’ve been very supportive.  As have our children.’


Tartrous is no stranger to the Standards Commissioner, having referred himself on no fewer than twelve separate occasions since becoming a minister eight years ago.  The Commissioner’s rulings, when they eventually appeared, have varied from complete exoneration to fairly serious censure, but in each case came long after the media had lost interest in the case.  Indeed, some have noted that Tartrous has often referred himself on matters in which the media had previously taken no interest at all.  ‘Upstine treats the Standards Commissioner like a kind of publicity fruit machine,’ comments longstanding political enemy Finity Volume of the Aspersion Covenant.  ‘He pulls the handle and sometimes he wins big, sometimes he doesn’t, but it always gets his smug face in the media to one degree or another.’


Tartrous has in the past flirted with other official censure bodies, having referred himself to organisations ranging from the Good Grammar Campaign to the International Genocide Tribunal.  Notoriously, in 2008, he applied to have himself entered on the National Paedophile Register over an affair with a friend of his daughter.  When the registrar pointed out that the girl in question was 26 years old, Tartrous countered, ‘Yes, but I thought she looked 15.’


In a terse response to our reporter late yesterday, the Standards Commissioner said, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, not again!’



What do you think of this story?  Tell us below.

Tartrous refers himself to Standards Commissioner