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Smuldham denies Urkly affair rumours

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Recently-launched celebrity Tarly Smuldham has denied she is having an extra-marital affair with Education Minister Buscram Urkly. Her publicist, Prast Berhaminous, called QRIS’s news desk yesterday to put the record straight. He told us, ‘There’s no truth to any suggestion that Tarly’s presence on several of Minister Urkly’s high school tour dates was for anything other than professional reasons. Professor Smuldham is a highly regarded academic, who is helping the government inspire children with her message that science is cool. The kids are always keen to hear from a representative of the Outreach Foundation, because many of them aspire to become Seekers in later life. It’s disgraceful to suggest that she performed a sex act on the minister in the boys’ locker room after one such appearance, then he performed a sex act on her, following which they moved to the shower area and engaged in a sex act together.’

We contacted the school in question, the Harkus Tiffer School for Boys in south Prestix. Headmaster Tollem Colb was keeping tight-lipped about the incident. ‘I’ve received no complaints or reports of anything untoward having taken place during the Education Minister’s official visit to the school last week, so I can’t comment.’

Buscram Urkly’s official spokesman was similarly unwilling to discuss the developing scandal. ‘Professor Smuldham is not part of the Education Department’s official delegation for the school visits programme. Her presence at several of the schools was entirely of her own volition – and, frankly, a bit of a surprise to us. I can’t comment on anything she may or may not have done whilst there.’

We contacted Prast Berhaminous about these denials, and he told us, ‘It’s typical of these people, adding fuel to the fire. Now it’s a major story – government denies Urkly locker room lip lock. Tarly is heartbroken, because there’s nothing more important to her than children’s education, and rumours like this distract from the important work she’s trying to do. Just call me back if you need any other quotes.’

Smuldham denies Urkly affair rumours