Archive
QRIS

© 2010 Qualtern Limited

Sign up to receive email updates from Qualtern

Search Qualtern.com

Share this page

Smuldham denies Urkly affair rumours

‘No truth’ in school locker room love romp allegations

 

New direction wows Clamfist Name Show

Berhaminous unveils new celebrity concept:  sexy science

 

Celebrity unveiling promises to break new ground

‘This will blow your mind,’ promises top publicist Prast Berhaminous.

 

6th Annual “Racing” championships held

Foundation for Nonviolent Sports hails day of running and jumping as a genuine alternative to traditional sports.

Gossipmongers threaten strike action

Row over pay and privileges escalates as celebrities refuse to play ball.

 

 

Entertainment Headlines
Entertainment Top

Government denies polishow cutback rumours

Lobby group’s claims of downturn denied by spokesman.

 

Firsties plan rural push

First Metropolitan Church plans tour of ‘hard to reach’ areas.

The Foundation for Nonviolent Sports has declared its sixth annual day of fitness contests as a genuine alternative to what it describes as the barbaric nature of true sports.  Founder and president of the FNS, Alcortin Dry - who participated in several events himself, coming third in the “jump the highest” contest - said it showed that the risk of fatalities was not necessary for participants and spectators to be engaged with the outcome of games.  ‘Everyone here has had a great day,’ he said of the near-100 strong crowd.  ‘And more to the point:  nobody died.’

 

Guest of honour on the day was Field-Marshall Fender Brinkman, the legendary sportsman with over 5000 kills to his name and his own mini-continent won in the famous Kraston Challenge Cup of ‘62.  Now retired from sport, Brinkman gamely accepted the FNS’s invitation to spend a day watching people run in straight lines and circles, throw balls and sticks and jump up and down - as well as a new event this year, where people swam as fast as possible back and forward in a pool dug for the purpose.  He seemed rather bemused as he handed out the prizes to a succession of red-faced, out-of-breath contestants, but took it all in his stride.  ‘These people are just having a bit of fun,’ he said afterwards.  ‘It matters to them.  Who are we to sneer?’

6th Annual Racing Championships hailed a success