© 2010 Qualtern Limited

Sign up to receive email updates from Qualtern

Search Qualtern.com

Share this page

Smuldham denies Urkly affair rumours

‘No truth’ in school locker room love romp allegations

New direction wows Clamfist Name Show

Berhaminous unveils new celebrity concept:  sexy science

Celebrity unveiling promises to break new ground

‘This will blow your mind,’ promises top publicist Prast Berhaminous.

6th Annual “Racing” championships held

Foundation for Nonviolent Sports hails day of running and jumping as a genuine alternative to traditional sports.

Gossipmongers threaten strike action

Row over pay and privileges escalates as celebrities refuse to play ball.

Government denies polishow cutback rumours

Lobby group’s claims of downturn denied by spokesman.

Firsties plan rural push

First Metropolitan Church plans tour of ‘hard to reach’ areas.

In an open letter signed by many of the country’s top gossipmongers, they warned that the profession is in crisis and called on the government to step in.  ‘The public understands the importance of our role,’ says the letter.  ‘Why else would they pay such large sums of money to read tittle-tattle about people they don’t know and almost certainly never will?  We provide a vital public service, and we want to keep doing so to the same high standards, but the fact is that celebrities are increasingly making our jobs very difficult.  Many of them are now asking for their own quotes to be used in place of our attributions, and some of them are even complaining about the veracity of some of our titbits.  We deplore the recent defamation proceedings instituted by Samon Corioli against Clish Maclaver, one of our nation’s most respected talebearers.  The people don’t care if our stories are true, and to suggest that any harm comes of our profession is just ridiculous.’

A spokesman for the gossipmongers’ union, Quidnunc, said yesterday that a strike ballot is currently under consideration.  ‘The sooner celebrities realise that they’re just a blank canvas for our creativity, and revert to playing their role, the happier everyone will be.’

Gossipmongers threaten strike action