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Humanitarian of the Year announced

Borkempt socialite takes title after week-long dump scavenge

Hospital cleaner a better person after court defeat

‘I understand the point of the rules now,’ says woman who challenged employer’s uniform code.

FatSS the way to live!

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2010’s Consumer of the Year named

Dendridge Orfling says he’s aiming for next year’s crown too!

Entire town Subjected en masse

Government defends decision to strip town’s occupants of citizenhood.

Jestina Gaskulus was in many respects an ordinary person.  Married for fifteen years to husband Cort, a line manager in a shoe factory, they had two young children and a comfortable home on the eighth level.  Life consisted of work and family, and they were happy.

But Jestina had a secret, a compulsion that she struggled alone to resist for years, but which eventually overwhelmed her.

She wanted to break the rules.

Hospital employment regulations are clear:  all Frontline Antibacterial Defenders are required to wear standard-issue rubber-soled shoes when carrying out their functions - indeed at all times when on hospital premises.

‘But I found them ugly,’ confessed Jestina, reflecting on the court case yesterday.  ‘I have short legs, and I didn’t think they flattered my figure.’

So she attended work wearing her own shoes:  bright orange, with transparent perspex soles and four-inch heels.  For almost a week she got away with it, tottering around the corridors with her mop, at constant risk of slipping, or trailing in germs from the outside world.  Until she was spotted by a hospital Compliance Monitor, and immediately suspended.

Unwisely, Jestina challenged her suspension, claiming her self-image was violated and her right to self-expression denied.  ‘It’s a sad day for women everywhere,’ she said, ‘and I intend to make a stand.’

But the court ruled that Jestina’s treatment was fair, and punished her for losing the court case by demoting her by two salary grades and cancelling her holidays for the next two years.

‘I’m sorry now for what I did,’ she says.  ‘But I’m glad it was stopped when it was.  Who knows where things might have ended up otherwise?

But cleric Samon Corioli didn’t see it that way.  ‘This woman’s spirit has been crushed,’ he said in a statement last night.  ‘People should be free to be who they are.  Shame on the government.’

Hospital cleaner a better person after court defeat