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World leaders hail death of Turpid Bam Irskel
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BREAKING NEWS: Chancellor in shock cannibalism confession
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Tartrous refers himself to Standards Commissioner
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Rump Party senators in talks to join coalition government
Surprise at Urkly return to government
Eyebrows rise at appointment of double serial killer as Education Minister
PeopleFirst launch latest legal bid to overturn ‘invidious’ law
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Local dignitary plumbs himself into council buildings
Government vote called off again
The Government has successfully headed off this year’s fourteenth attempt by PeopleFirst to oust it.
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State threatened with bankruptcy by biggest creditor’s mystery demand for immediate payment.
Call to take roads into public ownership
Left wing pressure group says private road system causes chaos, and advocates central planning.
General Trebuchet refuses to be drawn
Chief Peacekeeper declines joint request from PeopleFirst and the Government for budget transparency.
The government yesterday named its new Minister for Education, an office which had been vacant for almost four months following the untimely death of previous incumbent Ersa Bovmine. Buscram Urkly will take over the reins at Didactic House less than six months after his dramatic return to politics.
Urkly has had an eventful and not uncontroversial life. In 1991 he stood trial for the murder of seven prostitutes, was convicted on four counts and served five years in jail before the convictions were overturned. Urkly led fresh expert medical evidence that the women were of weak constitutions and might have died of fright when confronted with the sight of his naked body, hence may have been already dead when Urkly stabbed them. Notoriously, Urkly is tattooed neck to toe with grotesque satanic imagery.
Triumphantly re-
Urkly served seven years before his diagnosis with terminal brain-
At yesterday’s press call, Urkly responded tetchily to reporters’ questions about
his suitability for the role given the circumstances of his two previous exits from
government. ‘It is ridiculous to suggest that I have a historic pattern of serial
killing,’ he said. ‘My two sets of convictions are entirely unrelated. The psychosis
involved in stabbing females is an entirely different condition from that involved
in garrotting young men. I refer you to an article in this month’s Scientific Medicine,
by highly-
‘Say what you like about Buscram,’ beamed Governance Minister Frenessa Ject yesterday, ‘He’s one of Qualtern’s big characters! And that’s what we need, someone to inject a bit of spirit into things. He’s had his problems, but he’s served his time and is wiser for it. I think his inspirational story will really resonate with young people. I can’t wait to see what he gets up to in our schools!’
Surprise at Urkly return to government