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The Sports Council unexpectedly delivered its decision on the Brayn ‘Mauler’ Mustred animal doping allegations today.  ‘It’s against the rules,’ said the brief statement, which appeared without fanfare on the beastmatch section of its web site at dawn this morning.  The statement continued - in full - ‘Beastmatch is an ancient and noble sport.  It expresses the ongoing struggle amongst the many species that make up the animal kingdom, man included.  Any artificial advantage which upsets that balance takes the contest outwith the realm of sport.  Drugging the animal to increase the man’s chances of winning may be entertainment, but it’s not sport.  The Council offers Brayn Mustred two options:  he can drug himself and face a beast of the same species, or he will be expelled from the Council.’

Brayn Mustred declared himself disappointed with the ruling.  ‘I’ve been in the business of professional beastmatch for over forty years.  I’ve faced hundreds of animals on fair terms, and every one I’ve killed has died with honour.  People still clamour to see me play, and it’s my only source of income, but I’m getting on in years.  Quite apart from my age, it’s not easy squaring up to a four-fanged hardrosant with only one leg, three fingers and no sense of hearing.  And I don’t see so well either, these days.  Let’s face it, people don’t come to see Mauler Mustred for a fair fight, they come for entertainment.  Giving the beasts a sleeping draught to make them drowsy is just good business sense.’  So how does he plan to respond to the ruling?  ‘Oh, I’ll play under the influence of drugs,’ he says with a rueful smile.  ‘There’s no future for me if I’m expelled from the Council and can’t play any more, so I might as well die with my boots on.  Well, one boot on.’

Sports Council cries foul in animal doping scandal